Things that should be banned at gigs
» Booking fees
» Cloakroom charges
» Support acts whose names you never catch because they’ve already started once you’ve cleared security and had a drink. Thus, even though their stuff is really good (including the use of an egg whisk and cheese grater as percussion), you’ll never hear it again
» Headline performers going through the motions
» Tall people. Specificially, anyone over 5′11″3/4. (Alternatively, move all tall people to a special Lanky Zone’ to the side of the auditorium; or make everyone sit on the floor as if at an early ’80s Radio 1 roadshow, or an early ’90s James concert)
» Jigging, especially by tall people. Jigging means bopping around like someone’s granddad, often out of time with the music, creating a viewing hazard interrupting others’ line of sight
» Bottled beer in plastic cups
» Second encores. It gets confusing
Have I missed anything?
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